Dealing With Controlling Personalities – Part II

Some strategies for taking charge of your relationships:

 Start by being honest with yourself about how you feel when these situations happen, when your friends or family act in a controlling and disrespecting manner. Decide how you would like to change the situation and the make a goals list of how you can achieve that outcome.

 An example would be to admit that your boyfriend’s lateness really drives you crazy and is underminding your relationship with him and causing you resentment and stress. Then, imagine a solution you can apply to change the usual outcome. Try discussing this strategy with others and see how explaining it either confirms or alters your strategy.

1. Be Specific: Be very specific about what is important to you in terms of what you are determined to change about your experience. It is important to be committed to your goals no matter how small or large they may be.

2. Express Your Opinions:If you are determined to transform a relationship, and important action step to take is not to allow yourself to stifle your opinions or preferences. Telling others of your goals and preferences anchors them into a deeper commitment. If your friend or boyfriend cannot be on time, then let them know if you are willing to leave without them the next time they are late for an event. 

3. Don’t Back Down – Let Go of Expectations: Be absolutely firm about your commitment to change your toxic friendship or relationship and under no circumstances allow others to make you change your mind about achieving that goal. At the same time, don’t be afraid to let go of expectations in the relationship. Often when we let go of our expectations, things have a way of working out on their own.

It is important to take control over negative or toxic relationships. Only you can empower yourself and take control over your life and your feelings. It takes effort and time, but it’s worth it.

With all good wishes,

Copyright 2010 G. Donadio